some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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