i wish peter jackson would direct porn
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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