Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
