Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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