john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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