He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize