youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize