Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
