you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
