xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
