She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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