His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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