I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
