Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
