Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
