upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize