Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
