The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't want my vagina anymore.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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