I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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