why didn't you poke me back
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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