I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
