i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
try to milk me bitch
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