you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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