you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Pants are for mortals
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
