It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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