It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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