In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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