Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
did i walk over a car last night?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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