NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
