All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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