I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I enjoy the company of your penis
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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