Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
