yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
