i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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