she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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