my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
