what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
