why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
