You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Randomize
