By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
