You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
