i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
