one two three fourrrrnication!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
