someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
