How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
