He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
