if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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