I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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