I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
