You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
