Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
