cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
