Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
