You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she woke up with a sticky ear
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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