i dont even know how to be here
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
