We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
