gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
