drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
