I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
