i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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