You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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