i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
