talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
