you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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