Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize