I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
