he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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