My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
