just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
