so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
