when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
