Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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