it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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